It’s no secret that I dislike yard work. I’m an indoor girl. Unless of course it’s sunny and seventy, which it never is in Texas.
There was a bush in front of our house that needed some attention. I thought it might be dying. But I didn’t know because like I said I don’t like spending time in the yard on plants and flowers and trees and such. It was unsightly from the road. It’s right there in the background of this picture from when we got peeped by sMiles4Sammy. It has a big patch of brown all in the front. It just didn’t look good.
I think that bush resembles me last year. I want things to look good from the outside. I don’t always know what is going on in the inside. But sometimes my life doesn’t look all that great from the street.
My lawn guy told me that, “I think something fell on it. It’s not dying. I’ll just prune it.”
Well that’s good news. It’s not as bad as it looks. I hope it’s that way with me too. Because something big fell on me last year. Came crashing into my life in the form of news of a baby who doesn’t have all of his necessary genetic material. It came fast and hard. The cut was clean and deep. A severe special needs diagnosis.
I’ve been perplexed, astonished, disgusted, and amazed by how I’ve responded. Through it all, it’s revealed how much my heart needs some heavy pruning too. Getting rid of all that is shallow and worthless and dying so that more of the good can grow.
I’ve been pruned.
The brown dead branches are gone but, like this bush, I don’t know that I’m much better yet. There’s a big hole in my heart just like there is in the center of this shrub. Right now I’m doing the hard work of letting new growth fill in the broken places. It’s hard to see how I’ll come out of this whole thing but I know that on the inside something new is growing through. Maybe next spring I’ll look a little better, be a little stronger, and weather the next storm a little easier.
As you know, recently I’ve been on a search for new life and growth. I realize that although this bush may be waiting for next Spring to fully regenerate, it’s doing quite well now that it’s the end of Summer. It’s surrounded by my husbandg’s Mistflower grass which bring herds and herds of butterflies each year. It symbolizes such hope of life and newness. It’s planted right there among the butterflies. It’s broken, but has a beautiful view.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord And whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.” Jer 17:8
My book, Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent, is now available on Amazon!
Also be sure to check out my list of Favorite Books on Disability!