Not An Experiment

I’ve been anticipating this moment. Dreading this moment. Did not want to do it. I knew it was coming though.

Today a nurse taught me how to cath my baby.

It was almost surreal. I watched the nurse do it (without looking away). Then I stood there with all the supplies in my hands, her talking me through each and every step. I was praying hard. Not as much for Nathan as for me. I’m that girl who passes out at the sight of blood and gets woozy removing a sliver. The G-tube was a stretch for me. But this. This I feel my whole body coil in anticipation of a sensation that I’m not even experiencing.

Nathan did great.

I think I did okay too.

But I haven’t done it without a nurse or my husband around yet.

So this is our new plan to determine if we can relieve the pressure building up in N’s bladder and refluxing back up into his kidneys as the source of his pain. As much as I don’t want to be the person who has to administer the catheter, I do agree with this plan going forward. We have to see if we can rule this out.

If this doesn’t provide any change in his symptoms then we schedule a uriodynamics study. Apparently this study is supposed to help provide us with more information as to what’s going on.

We are also changing two other variables. We are introducing a new pain med called Neurontin to help with neurological pain. N’s been on it since Friday and although I’m not ready to call it a miracle drug, I do notice some difference. And he’s sleeping! Also, we are introducing formula.

I know, I know you’re not supposed to change more than one variable at a time in a science experiment because that can completely throw off your hypothesis. However, he’s my baby not my experiment. We are moving forward in faith, not science. Praying that God will give us the insight we need to best care for him. Trusting that he is here to fulfill a far different purpose than we ever imagined.

My book, Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent, is now available on Amazon!

Also be sure to check out my list of Favorite Books on Disability!


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