In my heart I still remember meeting him for the very first time–all four pounds, 14 ounces of him. In my heart I’m still cuddling his wiggly toddler body in a rocking chair as I try to read library books to him. I’m still holding his dirt-stained chubby boy hand as he explores a park. I’m still splashing around in the pool with him at his very first swim lesson. Deep in my heart I’m remembering our long drawn out days, just the two of us. Eating popsicles and watching Curious George. I know that as more time passes, the more those memories will fade. But before I close my eyes and dive head first into being the mom of a six-year-old, I just want to remember.
My Dear Firstborn Son,
You are my curious, determined little explorer. You know what you want, and you’ll push to get it (sometimes too much). You are creative and innovative. You want to know how things work in the context of the world. You have a love for God’s Word and an understanding of it that gives me chills. You are generous and fun-loving. You are always, always up for a good time.
In some ways I wish I could keep you five forever. You think I am the prettiest, smartest person in the world. You tell me the truth of what you’re thinking with no pretense. You fully accept brother and all the therapy work that comes along with him. But one thing we have both learned through brother is the importance of growing and developing. I can’t keep you little.
This year of kindergarten has already been defining for you. Your confidence has grown. You are learning how to be a good friend and how to love learning. This first step in your education is my first step in letting you become more dependent on God, and less dependent on us as your parents. That is going to be a long, hard road for me, but I can tell you’re up for it.
The other day when you asked me to build you a football out of Legos and I told you I didn’t think I could do it. You said, “Mommy, all things are possible with God.” My first thought was that’s so not the intended meaning of that verse. Yet incredibly astonished by your response, I got to work.
I’m looking forward to the ways you grow and develop this year. Now before we go figure out six, let’s go eat cake!
I love you,
My book, Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent, is now available on Amazon!
Also be sure to check out my list of Favorite Books on Disability!