N has influenza.
Despite our whole family being vaccinated I caught flu. Then despite washing my hands until they were raw I shared the nasty bug with N.
There are some things I simply do not have control over. I seem to be learning that same lesson over and over again.
It’s hard having two kids with completely different needs. If we stay home too much M is practically clawing the walls ready to get out of the house. If we’re out in public we risk injesting germs and getting N sick. So here this flu is a big consequence of trying to balance the two.
It’s a battle that I feel I’m fighting against myself. I’m fighting for normal. And I’m fighting to do everything I can for this medically fragile little baby. Maybe the two can’t co-exist. Maybe I said goodbye to “normal” six months ago. I don’t know the answer yet. I’ll live out the answer as God guides me.
In the meantime he’s home from the hospital. I think the Tamiflu is already upsetting his stomach because he’s spitting up more than usual. I am suctioning him more than usual. He’s not as vocal or lively as usual. I’m working to keep his fever down. He only wants to sleep in my arms. So it looks like I’ll be holding this flush-faced cutie for the bulk of the day.
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